Grieving & Hoping

I'm back. I feel like I am always apologising for never posting. Should I start out a post a post with an apology or just leave it and hope that someone is still reading? I am thinking that I am just going to leave it and continue on with my first post in like 3 months. Life is just so busy and complicated sometimes that things that used to be so important to me are no longer on the top of my priorities. Unfortunately this blog is one of those things that has been neglected.

Part of the reason is my busy schedule. Part of the reason is some sad events in my family. And part of the reason is just my laziness.

I bet you are wondering how the title of this post fits in with this entry. Well let me start with the hoping.

I believe that HOPE is one of the symbols or sayings for breast cancer. Well my 88 year old Grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple months ago. She has had two surgeries to remove the tumor. The second surgery caused internal bleeding which lead to an emergency surgery. That was crazy scary! Anytime someone is diagnosed with cancer it is a shock, but to have my Grandma get diagnosed with breast cancer at her age is just really hard to stomach. Luckily she is a tough old bird and she has fought this with a strong faith in God and a determined attitude. Now it is just a wait and see game. With the second surgery it appears that all the cancer cells in the margins were removed so hopefully she will continue on with her life and hope that the cancer grows back slowly since she is not a candidate for chemo or radiation.

Our family also experienced a terrible tragedy 12 days ago. This is where the grieving comes in.

On November 6th my 28 year old cousin Cody was killed at a party he was attending at his sister's house. It was a late halloween party and they had about 20-25 people at the party, including their parents. It was all close friends just having a good time. Some young punk came as a guest of one of my cousin's friends. This punk brought several homemade bombs along to "scare" people with. However he did alot more than scare people when one of those bombs killed my cousin. This was not a wild party, and my cousins did NOT know this punk or his intentions. This punk has changed our family forever. He has taken my Grandma's only grandson. He has taken my Aunt and Uncle's only son. He has taken a "favorite Uncle" from his niece and nephews. He has broken the hearts of so many people that love Cody.

It makes no sense, and it is impossible to not ask "why?". This was not God's plan for Cody's life. I have moments everyday where I stop and wonder if this has really happened. It just seems so unreal sometimes. And then other times it seems too real as I watch his parents grieve over the loss of their child, and see my Grandma sob and asking how could this have happened. My heart breaks with the indescribable pain this has caused my family.

I grew up with my cousins Miranda and Cody. We spent all the holidays and birthdays together. We spent summers at the lake cabin and camping. Cody was in my wedding and he walked me down the aisle at his sister's wedding. He helped me move out of my mom's house. I used to take him to hockey games with me. He loved playing with my girls. This is going to be a really hard loss to recover from.

If you are still reading this I am asking you to please say a few prayers for my family. Especially his sister, parents, and grandparents. They are all really struggling right now in the wake of this horrific tragedy.

Until next time,