Grieving & Hoping

I'm back. I feel like I am always apologising for never posting. Should I start out a post a post with an apology or just leave it and hope that someone is still reading? I am thinking that I am just going to leave it and continue on with my first post in like 3 months. Life is just so busy and complicated sometimes that things that used to be so important to me are no longer on the top of my priorities. Unfortunately this blog is one of those things that has been neglected.

Part of the reason is my busy schedule. Part of the reason is some sad events in my family. And part of the reason is just my laziness.

I bet you are wondering how the title of this post fits in with this entry. Well let me start with the hoping.

I believe that HOPE is one of the symbols or sayings for breast cancer. Well my 88 year old Grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple months ago. She has had two surgeries to remove the tumor. The second surgery caused internal bleeding which lead to an emergency surgery. That was crazy scary! Anytime someone is diagnosed with cancer it is a shock, but to have my Grandma get diagnosed with breast cancer at her age is just really hard to stomach. Luckily she is a tough old bird and she has fought this with a strong faith in God and a determined attitude. Now it is just a wait and see game. With the second surgery it appears that all the cancer cells in the margins were removed so hopefully she will continue on with her life and hope that the cancer grows back slowly since she is not a candidate for chemo or radiation.

Our family also experienced a terrible tragedy 12 days ago. This is where the grieving comes in.

On November 6th my 28 year old cousin Cody was killed at a party he was attending at his sister's house. It was a late halloween party and they had about 20-25 people at the party, including their parents. It was all close friends just having a good time. Some young punk came as a guest of one of my cousin's friends. This punk brought several homemade bombs along to "scare" people with. However he did alot more than scare people when one of those bombs killed my cousin. This was not a wild party, and my cousins did NOT know this punk or his intentions. This punk has changed our family forever. He has taken my Grandma's only grandson. He has taken my Aunt and Uncle's only son. He has taken a "favorite Uncle" from his niece and nephews. He has broken the hearts of so many people that love Cody.

It makes no sense, and it is impossible to not ask "why?". This was not God's plan for Cody's life. I have moments everyday where I stop and wonder if this has really happened. It just seems so unreal sometimes. And then other times it seems too real as I watch his parents grieve over the loss of their child, and see my Grandma sob and asking how could this have happened. My heart breaks with the indescribable pain this has caused my family.

I grew up with my cousins Miranda and Cody. We spent all the holidays and birthdays together. We spent summers at the lake cabin and camping. Cody was in my wedding and he walked me down the aisle at his sister's wedding. He helped me move out of my mom's house. I used to take him to hockey games with me. He loved playing with my girls. This is going to be a really hard loss to recover from.

If you are still reading this I am asking you to please say a few prayers for my family. Especially his sister, parents, and grandparents. They are all really struggling right now in the wake of this horrific tragedy.

Until next time,

Family Photos

A friend of ours, Dylan, took some pictures of us together back in October. These are my favorites. What do you think?

Until next time,

Christmas Morning

I think that the pictures speak for themselves. The girls were very excited Christmas morning and Santa treated them well (although I wonder if he got them confused with some other girls). They were super excited to play with all their new toys. But of course the new things are opened slowly as we figure out where to put the new stuff and what old stuff to get rid of.

I hope that you all had a great Christmas! We sure did.

Until next time,

Jaime

Christmas Eve and Pajamas

We had a wonderful Christmas with family this year. It was nice to spend time together and celebrate. I love Christmas because of the time spent with family. Of course Christmas Eve is still a work day for Rick and I so we didn't get to spend the entire day together but we did spend the evening at my Mom's house. We had a fantastic dinner and opened presents.

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And we have our Christmas Eve tradition of opening a new pair of pajamas. The girls know what it is but I wrap them anyway. It is fun to go to bed in brand new jammies on Christmas Eve. I should have bought a new pair for myself.

The girls were so excited for Santa to come. Sam went to bed and basically fell right to sleep, which is amazing!! Megan, on the other hand, had a REALLY hard time falling asleep. She was up really late and she came out to the living room saying "someone please help me fall asleep." And then not too soon after that she was in bed calling out "PLEASE HELP ME FALL ASLEEP!!" It was sooo cute, and yet so sad. She was so worried that Santa wouldn't come because she wasn't sleeping. Luckily she did eventually fall asleep so that Santa could bring presents. Santa was pretty late though, like after midnight. I hope we didn't make him run late.

Until next time,

Jaime

Family Pottery

I was able to pick up our completed pottery the other day. I am really happy with how they turned out. I was the most excited to see the plate that we made together. With the girls hand prints as the wreath and Rick and my fingerprints as the berries it will be a very special Christmas plate for years to come.

Here is Megan's gingerbread man ornament:

Here is Sam's snowman ornament:

Both of the girls made mugs for Gigi. We gave them to her at our family Christmas party last night along with some tea. They were so excited to have her open them and she really liked the mugs. What Gigi wouldn't like handmade gifts from their great-grandchildren?!

I really would like to make this a Christmas tradition. We all had so much fun and we have some great memories and keepsakes
.

Until next time,

Jaime

Christmas Lights

One of my favorite things to do during the holiday season is to go look at Christmas lights. I have been doing this every year since I was a little kid. Last year we didn't get to go because of the 5 feet of snow. But tonight we started our adventure by going to Manito Park to walk through the conservatory. It was all decked out with poinsettias and lights. It was so gorgeous. I took a couple pictures (of course).


After that we went downtown for pizza. And then we took off looking for decorated houses. We found a house with a huge light show. They had A LOT of lights that were set to music. The girls LOVED it!! And I loved it too. As we drove around we listened to Christmas music and sang along. My favorite was when the girls and I sang along with a Raffi song that I used to listen to when I was a kid. It is special to share moments like that with the girls.

The craziness of Christmas begins now. Starting with Christmas parties this weekend and a special Church program. We will be busy busy for the next week. Even my work is in on the Christmas fun. Today we had a potluck and next week is Christmas spirit week.

Ahh, the holidays!!

Until next time,
Jaime

Family Fun

So part of getting into the spirit of the season is spending some family time together. Tonight the four of us went to Polka Dot Pottery and made some stuff. This was our first time painting pottery as a family. It really was a lot of fun.

The girls made ornaments for our tree. This is the first year that I have done this. But I am thinking that I feel a new tradition forming. They are so cute. Usually I buy each girl an ornament signifying something special from the year. However, this year I have had a hard time finding them an ornament. So I think having a handmade ornament is the next best thing. Sam painted a snowman and Megan painted a gingerbread man. I can't wait to pick them up next week to see how they look after they are finished.

We also made a plate as a family. My family has a traditional Christmas morning bubble bread that I make for Christmas morning breakfast for my family now. I grew up eating it every year, and now I make for my family. And you know how much I just love baking. (Can you sense the sarcasm?) So I thought it would be fun to have a special plate to serve the bread on. The girls used their hand prints to make a wreath and Rick and I used our fingerprints to make the berries. It is really sweet and I can't wait to pick it up next week. I am really excited to see the finished product.

The girls also made a couple Christmas presents. They had a great time. Samantha especially loves painting pottery. I am thinking that we are going to have to do this more often. Even Rick said he had fun. He suggested that just the two of us go there one evening and make something together. Sounds like a great date night to me!!!

I will show you pictures of the finished projects when we get them back next week so stay tuned.

Until next time,
Jaime

Veteran's Day: My Grandpa

My mom wrote a speech that she read at her school's Veteran's Day assembly. It tells the story of my Grandpa Cecil's experience of being a prisoner of war during WWII. I want to post it here because this part of my family's history is so important to me. Just remember it was written for elementary kids so it is a simple version, but I don't want to change it. (I am changing it a little bit so that it reads as if I am telling it about my Grandpa. Sorry Mom, I hope that's okay)

My Grandpa, Cecil Cunningham, joined the Army Air Corps in October of 1940. In those days the Air Force and Army were one branch of the military call the Army Air Corps. He was 22 years old and earned $21 a month. After basic training, he went to Albuquerque, New Mexico. He was a driver for his base commander, Col. Hackett. It was here that Grandpa made a decision that would change his life. Col. Hackett asked Grandpa if he would like to stay in New Mexico and continue to be his driver when his outfit shipped out. But Grandpa, a man of strong character, choose to be loyal to his unit and ship out to an unknown destination.

He was sent on an Army transport ship to the Philippine islands in the Pacific Ocean. He arrived in the Philippines in November of 1941 and on December 7 the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor in Hawaii and the war with Japan began. Eventually, the Japanese captured the Philippines and my Grandpa became a prisoner of war.

He was sent to a prisoner of war camp in the Philippines where he worked in a machine shop and in the rice fields planting rice for 10-12 hours a day. The prisoners were fed two times a day...mainly small amounts of rice. Sometimes they were given fish head soup with weeds. The men used a small can to collect insects, snakes, weeds...anything they could find to add protein to their diet.

After 2 1/2 years he was sent on a ship to Japan. (obviously this was one of the infamous "Hell Ships") The ship was so crowded with prisoners that only one man out of three could lie down. He was on the ship for 3 months. Many of the men became sick on the ship because there was little food and no medicine.

He was sent to Yokkaichi prison camp in Japan. There he was forced to work in a copper mine loading big, heavy ore carts and pushing them to the smelter. There was no heat in the buildings (and Japan has a climate much like Spokane with cold, snowy winters) and very little food. He slept on a straw mat that was infested with fleas and lice.

One day he had his picture taken. (I wish I had a digital copy that I could post on here) The picture was sent back to the United States so that people would think that the prisoners were well cared for. In that picture my Grandpa is wearing a nice clean prisoner uniform. But he only wore that uniform for his picture. As soon as his picture was taken, he had to give that uniform to the next man for his picture, and to the next, and the next. His real clothes were ragged and worn out.

In September 1945 the war was over. Grandpa had been a prisoner of war for 3 1/2 years and had lost over 100 pounds during this time. He came back to the United States on a hospital ship. When he regained his strength (he was paralyzed from the lack of nutrition) he returned home to his family. He eventually married my Grandma and began a family.

My Grandpa was very proud to be an American and it showed brightest when he would salute the American Flag. He sacrificed 3 1/2 years of his life so that America would remain free. He did this for his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

Of course this is a simplified version of what he went through, remember it was originally written for elementary kids. And apparently the kids were so interested that you could have heard a pin drop while my Mom was reading this. Cool!!

I am so proud of my Grandpa. He was not one to talk about his experiences. It just wasn't something he talked about very much. He wasn't boastful and I think that was one reason he didn't feel the need to talk about his time as a POW. I have enjoyed learning more about his time as a POW as I have gotten older. I think it is because I can really appreciate how much he must have endured during those 3 1/2 years.

Thank you to all the Veteran's in my family, and Rick's family. We are very grateful for all you sacrificed for our freedom!!

Happy Halloween

The girls have been super excited to get to wear their Halloween costumes. They finally got to put them on yesterday for their class parties. They both picked out what they wanted to be without any influence from me. Sam chose The Flash. Apparently it is a superhero from Justice League. I don't know, I'm not very knowledgeable in superhero. Megan chose Daphne, from Scooby Doo. I know, big shock. She is a huge fan of Scooby Doo. At least I knew who that one is.


Nana and Papa with all their little goblins.

I hope you had a fun Halloween. It was a busy day to end a busy month. And it is just going to get busier with the upcoming holidays. I am already exhausted, oh please Lord give me strength.

Until next time,

Jaime

Frustration and Exhaustion

The two words that really sum up how I have been feeling is frustration and exhaustion. I am tired. Really, really tired. It could be from all the running around with kids and their activities. It could be from working. It could be from traveling with Rick to the band competitions. But it could also be from my depression. Yes, I take medicine for depression. I admit it because I am not embarrassed by it. It has been a rough couple years and so I got depressed. I am feeling a bit like I am having some more depression. Which would help to answer the tired question.

Frustration is also a big part of the exhaustion. I am frustrated with so many parts of my life right now. Frustrated with Rick's work schedule. After 16 years of working for the same company his hours are being screwed with and he goes from working 12:30pm -9:00pm to working 12:30am-9:00am. That not only screws up him, it screws up our whole family. And I worry about what that severe change to his system will do to his health.

As I am sure you have been aware I am frustrated with my kids. We have been battling with them to pick up their rooms, show respect to each other, and to stop destroying the house. By destroying I mean that they write on the walls, furniture, and basically disrespect our things. It has reached a boiling point that is about to boil over into complete disarray. They have not been showing us respect, and have been showing a complete lack of responsibility. Yes my expectations are for 6 and 9 year olds. I do realize they are just kids, but this is out of hand. And it makes me sick to see this happening in our family. I feel like I have tried so many different tactics that have all failed. I don't want to be a failure to my kids. I want them to grow up with awesome memories, not memories of always being yelled at. I don't want to yell at them, I try to avoid it as much as possible. But I just don't know what to do anymore.

That is the biggest problem that I face everyday. The girls are always fighting with each other. I am feeling like a terrible mother, like I must have done something wrong. This is not how I want our family dynamic. I am so frustrated and saddened by how things are going right now.

The second biggest frustration is the financial situation we are in right now. It has been a rough couple years and it is really hard to try to feel like I'm not drowning. All these things are not good for our marriage either. We are lucky to have formed such a close bond over the past few years. But sometimes life gets in the way and right now I am not feeling that bond as strongly which breaks my heart.

These are the reasons that I haven't been blogging much lately. I don't feel like I have anything positive to say. I have had a really hard time thinking of things to write. Nobody wants to keep reading depressing blog posts. And I really want to be funny or witty, so that is why I have been avoiding the blog. My goal is to get this all turned around now that our crazy schedule of activities is slowing down. We have a long winter ahead of us, which means a lot of time stuck together in the house. And it is going to suck if I can't get things turned around.

I am going to give it my all. I want a strong, loving family. I don't want to be frustrated and exhausted anymore!

Until next time,
Jaime

Look Who's 1

My beautiful niece Mady is 1 today!! I can't believe how fast the year went by. This little sweetheart stole my heart the moment I laid eyes on her. She is such a joy!

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY MADY!

Here is a look at her cute cake that her Mommy made for her.

It didn't take Mady very long to destroy the cake.

Mady's party was fun! She had the best time opening her presents. She was actually really interested in her presents. It was so super cute!! She is such a sweetie pie! I can't get enough of her.

Happy Birthday Sweet Mady! Aunt Jaime loves you very much!!

Until next time,

Jaime

The Oregon Zoo

We had so much fun at the zoo. It is so neat. We all especially enjoyed the Predators of the Serengeti exhibit. Some, well a lot actually, of my pictures didn't turn out great. It is hard to get pictures of moving animals behind glass windows. Who knew??

Sam enjoyed the Sea Lions and Sea Otters. They were really fun to watch swimming around. The exhibits to see all these animals swimming were so cool. All the windows at different levels made for some great viewing, albeit some not so great photos. Oh well, it's the memories that matter anyway.

Even after a really long walk Sam was still full of energy. She really enjoyed everything and was so excited to see the next exhibit that she practically ran through most of them. I did manage to get her to stand still for a few seconds for some pictures every once in a while.

We really enjoy monkeys and it was so fun to get to see them.

The sea turtles were pretty cool.

But the baby elephant was even cooler. Meet Samudra, Sam for short. What a coincidence.

The amazing painting elephant. This elephants paintings sell for around $900 each.

After the live predatory bird show one of the trainers held a bird (I don't remember what it is, some type of falcon I think) for the kids to see up close. Sam asked some really good questions and was really interested.

The Predators of the Serengeti exhibit was so great. There was live music, and crafts.

Of all the animals in the zoo Sam decided that the Meerkat was her favorite. She even picked out a meerkat stuffed animal.

I liked the Polar Bears and the Zebras. And the Monkeys of course.

The Eagles were pretty amazing too!!

Sam and Daddy in an Eagles nest.

The memories we made during this weekend will last a long time. We had so much fun together. I hope that Sam will remember this time with Mom and Dad as a very special weekend. I am actually getting a little teary just thinking about it. Since we have no idea what the future holds I am holding on to these memories in a very special place. We don't get the opportunity to spend special time like this together, and I hope that we will be able to do the same thing with Megan in a couple years.

Liver Life Walk, we will be back next year. It felt great to do something, and to make special memories.

Until next time,

Jaime