Guilt

Lately I have been feeling a little guilt about going back to work. And then today I feel even more guilt for wanting more hours. I can't have more hours because there aren't any more to be had right now, but I am kinda wishing I had spoken up when there was a full time position open last week. If I worked full time, or even close to full time, Rick could quit his part time job. That is what I should have been thinking about last week. But of course I think of it today after the new girl has been training since monday.

The guilt I feel is about the time I don't have with Sam after school anymore. I have picked her up from school everyday, except on a rare occasion, since she was three years old in preschool. I don't get to hear about her day on the car ride home. And by the time I get home she doesn't want to talk about school. She has asked me if I am ever gonna pick her up from school again. That just makes me sad. And she has melt downs because she says that she doesn't get to see me very much anymore. Which is true. By the time I get home from work I only get to see her for like two hours before it is bedtime.

And the house is suffering as well. I had no idea that working part time would cause me to get so far behind in the housework. And suffice it to say, we have not been eating very good either. I don't have time to make good meals anymore, as if they were good before anyway. But they definitely aren't any too healthy. I don't know how full time working parents do it. I am so lucky that Rick is home in the afternoons. At least that helps a little.

The thing that makes it all bearable is that I love my job. I really do enjoy going to work everyday. Even though my chair sucks and my back hurts at the end of the day. All my coworkers are great and it feels so good to be appreciated. Today my boss told me he loved me because I can do so many different tasks that need to be done. I have been trained on pieces of everyone's job. I have so many different little tasks that I have to accomplish everyday, but it is so much fun.

When I realized that I was going to have to get a job I was worried about what kind of job I would find. I really haven't worked since before Sam was born. (I don't really consider that Realtor thing I did much of a job) I didn't have a lot of experience or qualifications for very many jobs. I started praying about it during the summer, while also trying to think of something that might be interesting. Then my sister-in-law Tonia mentioned to my mom that the company she worked for was thinking about hiring somebody to work part time. Suddenly the pieces started falling into place. I just know that God had a hand in me getting this job. It has worked out so well for us. This has been such an answer to prayer for me.

I am sure that if the time is right for me to work more hours then it will happen. In the mean time I will enjoy still being able to pick Megan up from school everyday.

Until next time,
Jaime