A Look Back

Rick and I were taking a walk back to the hotel room tonight and I was thinking back on this experience and in a way comparing it to last year. During last year's trip I was so focused on Rick and what was happening that I didn't really take in the other people around us. This year, however, I did manage to get a glimpse of the other patients here. I noticed something I didn't even see last year, most of the other patients are MUCH older than Rick. Now I did say "most", because we had dinner with another PSCer named Trish and her husband Tom. She is a couple years younger than Rick and has two small children. So yes there are others here that are young as well.

We really are lucky to be here, being treated by the best. And it is comforting to know of others that have been here as well. Unfortunately the way my silly head works is that there is still a little voice in there trying to throw doubt into the situation. I don't know why that happens to me. I wish it didn't so that I could be sure in this situation. I really don't try to make myself so doubting. I hate that that is how I work.

I need to readjust my attitude when we get home and change my focus to our normal daily life. And I do have every intention of doing just that.

For right now I am still wondering what "stable" really means. I saw the itching and jaundice this past winter. So I know that things seem to be progressing. But I think that is how this disease works. It seems like sometimes it is worse than others. And I think that it just depends on how you are doing at the time of the doctor visit because it can fluctuate. But comparing last year to this year appears to be about the same. As far as I can figure that probably means it is slowly progressing, which is a good thing.

Even though this trip was expensive and Rick didn't end up needing many tests, I still think it was worth it. It was worth the money to get some reassurance from the best. Especially since we seem to have some issues with the doctor back home. Sometimes I know I need to trust my gut, but other times I know I need to trust in the doctors. And the doctor here should be trusted.

At least this time I don't feel like my heart is being ripped out. That is a big difference from last year to this year. And as much as I am trying to relax and enjoy a couple of days here, it is hard to relax in a place that constantly reminds me of why we are here.

We will be home soon. Saturday night we will arrive home around 11p.m. Then back to work. Back to parenting. Back to life.

Until next time,
Jaime