Time for myself???

I decided that after everything we have been through these past couple months, well years really, that it was time that I found someone to talk to. A wonderful psychiatrist was recommended by a friend and so I have been seeing her recently. I am not embarrassed by the fact that I am seeing a psychiatrist. My life is hard to handle sometimes. I think it is important to get an outsiders perspective and advice on how to deal with all of this crap. She has been a big help to me.

My first homework assignment was to get a journal and make an effort to write in it everyday. I write on this blog but writing in the journal I can write uncensored feelings without being judged. It has been fun, yet difficult, at the same time.

My second homework assignment is still unfinished. I am supposed to make time for myself. When she asked me what I do for myself I couldn't think of anything. I am always making sure Rick gets what he needs, and the girls are doing what they are supposed to be doing. I have just kind of fallen between the cracks. After thinking about it I said that I get my haircut every few weeks. Of course she laughed and said that didn't count. So now that I have devoted so much time to everyone else what am I supposed to do for myself? I would love to go out for coffee with someone but I don't have anyone to go with. I do enjoy taking pictures so maybe I will start finding different places around town to take pictures. I could go out after I take the girls to school. I don't know, but I better do it quick because I see her again this wednesday. I hope I come up with a better excuse than "my dog ate my homework". Oh wait, I do have a better excuse: Rick was super sick last week.

One thing struck me during my last appointment. She was talking about the fact that Rick lets me make all the doctor phone calls for him and talk to the nurses or doctors when they call back. She looked me in the eye and asked me if I knew what that meant. I just kinda sat there. She said that Rick trusts me with his life. I never really thought about it that way before. But once she said that it was all I could do to not break down crying right then and there. I asked him about it later that day and he basically said the same thing. Basically he said that his life is in my hands. Now how do I respond to something like that? I love him more than I ever thought possible, but I never really thought about holding his life in my hands. I feel honored that he trusts me that much.

Hopefully I can find some time tomorrow or tuesday to do something for myself. I don't know what it will be but I better hurry up.

Until next time,
Jaime