I want off the rollercoaster

And the roller coaster continues.....

So the big "C" word was mentioned today at the hematologist's office. There is no worse feeling than to have a doctor sitting in front of you explaining why he wants to screen you for cancer. I thought that everything else we have been through would be enough preparation for something like this. Now I am not saying that he has cancer. We won't know anything until friday, hopefully. Rick had to have some special bloodwork done to test for certain lymphocytes. If it comes back positive that will most likely be a bad thing. So when the phone rings tomorrow you know I will be jumping out of my skin. If they say everything is okay then it is okay. If they say we need to see you again it is a BAD thing.

What the doctor is looking for is for the number of lymphocytes compared to the percentage, or something like that. There is a possibility that Rick has a lymphoma caused from the immunosupressive drugs that he has to take. We knew that was a risk but never thought it could actually happen. I had a feeling that this is what was going to transpire today, but I kept it to myself for the most part.

Now we sit and wait, again. I feel a bit sick to my stomach tonight. It is a good thing I started therapy with a psychiatrist today.

I used to like roller coasters. But now that my life has turned into one I WANT OFF!!!!!

Until next time,
Jaime