Indecisive

I have discovered that I have become rather indecisive. I decide on something and then after it is done I think that maybe it was the wrong choice.

So my first example is the tile that we replaced in the house. There was this ridiculously ugly black slate tile in front of the fireplace and front door. Now I know you are thinking that slate is nice. Well not this stuff. It was like original to the house in the 50's and the grout was nasty and coming out. So we went to Lowe's and picked out new tile to have Rick install. I picked it out and brought home one piece to make sure it would look good against the hardwood floors and decided that I really liked it. Rick designed how it would be laid out and we went and bought everything that we would need. Rick went to all the trouble and work to lay down this new tile and when he was all done I decided that maybe I made the wrong choice. I cried about it and Rick was mad at me. Now several months later I have grown to like it and it really does look very nice. But that is when I discovered that maybe I was becoming a little bit indecisive.

Whenever I have to make a decision that I know is going to be permanent I go for it and then after the fact I question whether it was the right decision. It would be much smarter to decide before it was done, I know. I don't know why I started being like this. I don't know if it is because all of the stress we have been under over the past several months. Or if it is because I act too quickly. My guess would be a little of both.

So what is the purpose of this post you may be asking. Well I made a very permanent decision about a month ago that I have to get fixed. I had this great idea of what I wanted in my tattoo and I had a picture of it in my head but I didn't know quite how to relay that image to the tattoo guy. I know he did a beautiful job of designing the tattoo but I am not happy with it. I know that I can't erase it and start over so I have to go back and he is going to change it a bit. I have done some research and have some ideas of how to rework it, but I am trying to decide if I should change the color of the roses a little bit. I originally did it with the idea of making it remind me of my wedding bouquet but I really have grown to kinda dislike the color purple. I don't know what would make me think that it would be different on my leg. So I am thinking about darkening up one of the roses to a little bit darker purple and changing one to a pink and maybe adding a third one and making that a different color as well. The problem with that is that it changes the original purpose of the tattoo. All along I wanted a rose to signify the roses that Rick used to give me all the time when we were dating. And then adding his handwriting would make it very personal. Now I don't know what to do and I am crushed to think it didn't turn out right. And on top of it, the white flowers I had around the roses didn't take and the white all pushed out. So those have to be reworked as well.

I can't believe I feel this way. Maybe I need to consult my therapist before going back to have it touched up. Since it is permanent I have to fix it so that I love it. But gosh I am so mad at myself for being so darn indecisive. Now I can't decide how I want to fix it.

I think this all falls under the "speak before you think" category. Now I just feel like a big idiot and I have the permanent mark to prove it. I don't regret the tattoo, I just regret my inability to make a decision.

Until next time,
Jaime