Basically I HATE hospitals and doctor offices now. Since Rick was diagnosed I have developed a big anxiety over having to go to appointments and procedures. Even "routine" things like appointments or colonoscopies cause me great anxiety now. Anxiety issues run in my family so it was bound to hit me.
We are finally home tonight after the colonoscopy. The doctor didn't talk to us afterwards, which must be a good thing, so I don't really have any news. They did take some biopsies and removed a polyp, but that is all I know. Right now Rick is asleep on the couch next to me after a very LONG couple of days. The prep for a colonoscopy can be rough on a crohn's patient, and Rick was no exception. We did talk about that when we arrived and they wonder if maybe Rick has a bit of a gastric emptying problem. But it is apparently not a big deal because they weren't concerned. So now I must move on from this procedure to the next. Next thursday is the big epidural steroid injection. Just another thing to cause more anxiety over.
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I am sitting on my couch curled up with a blanket and my sweats on. The Christmas tree is lit up and the Christmas music is playing quietly in the background. The smell of my holiday wreath candle is drifting through the air. I must get into the Christmas spirit. If not for myself, for my kids. But it is just so hard when things just keep happening. It is hard to look back on this year with much excitement. It really has been a tough year. Probably the toughest financially we have had so far.
I am going to rest tonight and tomorrow will be a new day with fresh snow on the ground. I will pick up the girls from my mom's house and have a good day with them. I will try to put the anxiety of the past two days behind me and enjoy their Christmas excitement. Maybe we will do a Christmas project. Maybe we will play in the snow. But I will not worry about next week, I will focus on them. After all, Christmas only comes once a year.
Until next time,
Jaime
Friday, December 12, 2008
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4 comments:
You really put things into perspective tonight, good for you. It's going ot be okay.
I agree with your friend Erin...it will be ok...it's never comfortable to go through trials, but it makes us depend on God through it. And God is good all the time...remember that! I'm praying that 2009 is a better year for you guys...
I am very proud of you, my strong and loving daughter. Keep your chin up and remember that your family is here for you. God surrounds you in all you do, so walk with Him on this journey. Love, Mom
I am right there with you on the lack of funds for Christmas. I watch the commercials and mourn the fact that there will not be large gifts, there will not be a lot of gifts. But then I concentrate on the real reason for Christmas and try to put aside all the other desires. We have God, so what more do we really need? I don't know how you could do this with older children, but one thing we did from the first Christmas with ours was to only give 4 gifts and a stocking for each girl. 3 gifts were from Santa (since Baby Jesus only got 3 presents, we should not get more than He did) and them one from Mommy and Daddy. I don't control what the grandparents or godparents give. But that does help keep our spending WAY down and takes the pressure off. It also helps us focus on the real reason for Christmas.
Erin, I am so sorry that you and Rick have to go through all of this. It does seem that when it rains it pours. We are in the midst of that ourselves - and have been for about 4 years. Writing my Christmas letter, though, I could find God's footsteps in out lives, and recognize the human angels he has sent our way.
God's peace to all of you.
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