The Waiting Room

I despise waiting rooms. The sense of dread I feel while waiting in them has begun to cause me great stress. The very first waiting room I sat in waiting for Rick was when he was getting his first colonoscopy. I was so scared because we had no idea what was wrong with him at that time. Since then I have waited in probably close to a hundred, or maybe more, waiting rooms for all kinds of different procedures, tests, or appointments. The longest wait was during the spinal fusion surgery. And that was probably the hardest wait yet. But the worry is always the same. The wondering and stress is always the same. I always have the same feeling of butterflies in my stomach and usually I don't even realize that I shake my legs. I can't help it. I have just had bad news too many times.

I could describe what the waiting rooms look like. Where the clocks are on the walls. Where the best place to sit is. I usually stare at the paintings on the wall. I can remember listening to the TV's but not remembering what I was actually listening too. I usually try to read something, but most of the time I don't even remember what I read.

I really despise waiting rooms.

Now the tables are about to turn. I wonder how Rick will like waiting in the waiting room. I wonder if he will be as nervous as I am when I wait for him.

I think that I am just as nervous for my own procedure as I am when Rick has procedures. I have never had anything like this done before. I have never had "conscious sedation." I hate procedures, and waiting rooms, and IV's, and the anticipation of the unknown.

Until next time,
Jaime