Grieving & Hoping

I'm back. I feel like I am always apologising for never posting. Should I start out a post a post with an apology or just leave it and hope that someone is still reading? I am thinking that I am just going to leave it and continue on with my first post in like 3 months. Life is just so busy and complicated sometimes that things that used to be so important to me are no longer on the top of my priorities. Unfortunately this blog is one of those things that has been neglected.

Part of the reason is my busy schedule. Part of the reason is some sad events in my family. And part of the reason is just my laziness.

I bet you are wondering how the title of this post fits in with this entry. Well let me start with the hoping.

I believe that HOPE is one of the symbols or sayings for breast cancer. Well my 88 year old Grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple months ago. She has had two surgeries to remove the tumor. The second surgery caused internal bleeding which lead to an emergency surgery. That was crazy scary! Anytime someone is diagnosed with cancer it is a shock, but to have my Grandma get diagnosed with breast cancer at her age is just really hard to stomach. Luckily she is a tough old bird and she has fought this with a strong faith in God and a determined attitude. Now it is just a wait and see game. With the second surgery it appears that all the cancer cells in the margins were removed so hopefully she will continue on with her life and hope that the cancer grows back slowly since she is not a candidate for chemo or radiation.

Our family also experienced a terrible tragedy 12 days ago. This is where the grieving comes in.

On November 6th my 28 year old cousin Cody was killed at a party he was attending at his sister's house. It was a late halloween party and they had about 20-25 people at the party, including their parents. It was all close friends just having a good time. Some young punk came as a guest of one of my cousin's friends. This punk brought several homemade bombs along to "scare" people with. However he did alot more than scare people when one of those bombs killed my cousin. This was not a wild party, and my cousins did NOT know this punk or his intentions. This punk has changed our family forever. He has taken my Grandma's only grandson. He has taken my Aunt and Uncle's only son. He has taken a "favorite Uncle" from his niece and nephews. He has broken the hearts of so many people that love Cody.

It makes no sense, and it is impossible to not ask "why?". This was not God's plan for Cody's life. I have moments everyday where I stop and wonder if this has really happened. It just seems so unreal sometimes. And then other times it seems too real as I watch his parents grieve over the loss of their child, and see my Grandma sob and asking how could this have happened. My heart breaks with the indescribable pain this has caused my family.

I grew up with my cousins Miranda and Cody. We spent all the holidays and birthdays together. We spent summers at the lake cabin and camping. Cody was in my wedding and he walked me down the aisle at his sister's wedding. He helped me move out of my mom's house. I used to take him to hockey games with me. He loved playing with my girls. This is going to be a really hard loss to recover from.

If you are still reading this I am asking you to please say a few prayers for my family. Especially his sister, parents, and grandparents. They are all really struggling right now in the wake of this horrific tragedy.

Until next time,

Liver Life Walk 2010

Hello!!!! Can you believe that I am actually updating my blog. Goodness it has been a long time!! It has been a busy summer and I can't believe that school is about to start again.

I actually have a selfish reason for updating. I wanted to let you know that I have created Team Rick again this year for the Liver Life Walk. We are super excited to be doing the walk again this year. Samantha is really looking forward to it again as well. It is September 12, so time is really running out for me to get some donations for our team.

You can visit my personal fundraising page by clicking here. I really appreciate donations. Any amount is great as it all adds up.

We had so much fun last year and we are really looking forward to being there again this year. I am very happy to report that Rick's health has been very stable this year. We don't take that fact for granted however. I know it can change in the blink of an eye. Which is why this fundraiser is so important to me.

Thank you in advance for anyone that is able to make a donation. I will post more information as we get closer to the walk.

Until next time,

10 Years Old

Ten years ago today I was holding a sweet, tiny baby girl in my arms. Tonight I am hugging a big girl that is now 10 years old. Wow!! 10!! I can't believe my little girl is 10 years old.

Sam is definitely her own person. She is strong-willed and smart. She is loving and kind. She is a challenge and a joy. And I couldn't be more blessed to have such a compassionate daughter!!

HAPPY 10TH BIRTHDAY SAMANTHA!!!!!

I love you Sam!!

Love,

Mom

Is Anyone Still There???

Hellllooooooooooo! Is anybody still out there? I don't blame you if your not. I have literally been MIA from blogging for a month. I just am in a bit of a dry spell. I am sure you all are wondering whats been going on with all of us. We are still here. I am working on coming up with some posts. There is a lot going on. Sam has soccer, both of the girls have Girl Scouts, I have been working more, Rick keeps coming down with colds, I am still trying to lose weight, Sam's birthday is next week, and the list goes on and on.

I feel pathetic for not having the energy or the drive to update this poor excuse for a blog. I have some pictures I need to post. I will get to it. Just put it on the pile.

I will be back, I hope you don't completely give up on me.

Until next time,

Final Weigh-In

I am sure you are all aware that today was my final weigh-in in the Biggest Loser Challenge at work. I managed to spend the majority of the challenge in first place. However, two weeks ago one of my male co-workers was able to drop an insane amount of weight in a week and I was never able to catch up to that.

But I am proud to say that I finished in 2nd place. I lost a total of 25 pounds in 13 weeks. I am proud of myself. I look different and feel better. I am not done losing weight however. I only got half way to my original goal of losing 50 pounds.

We are going to start another challenge at work for those of us that want to continue. I will definitely be signing up. We are looking at making it a bit different this time with the possibility of having teams. The new challenge will start at the beginning of May. I hope to have lost another 10 pounds before the challenge starts. That is probably a long shot but having a goal will keep me motivated.

Thanks for everyone's support!!

Until next time,

Quicky

I know I haven't been blogging much lately. I have lost my touch or something. I don't know. I guess I am just busy with life stuff and blogging has kinda fallen to the side. I hope you all aren't too disappointed. I mean I know how witty and charming I am. You must be missing me an awful lot. Or not.

But I am thinking about all my readers. Please be sure to keep checking in. I just may surprise you. I do plan on blogging after my final weigh-in on Monday. I have lost 25 pounds so far. Just because the contest ends on Monday doesn't mean that my losing weight will end. I am only half way to my original goal of losing 50 pounds. So keep checking back to see if I can make it.

Thanks for sticking with me!!

Until next time,

Unexpected

My sweet youngest daughter Megan has always been a tough kid. She has a lot of little quirks that we have always just chocked up to being "Megan". However, recently it has become obvious that her life has become a bit more frantic. We have known that she suffers from ADHD and had originally decided not to medicate her for it. But it has been starting to affect her schoolwork. So we took her to the doctor last week to discuss putting her on medication so that she is able to focus and catch up in school. However we got more out of the appointment than we were expecting.

It has been discovered that Megan also suffers from a form of Autism called Aspergers. We have only had a few days to absorb this information so I don't have a lot of details to pass along. But I do want to get it out there as a means to explain Megan. All these things we thought were possibly naughty behavior are actually from the Aspergers and she honestly doesn't have any control over these behaviors.

So please bear with us as we navigate what this means for Megan and for our family. We have some serious adjustments to make. Please keep Megan in your prayers. She is going to have rougher time in life than I wanted for her.

Until next time,

Weigh-In #11

It is the home stretch. Only two more weeks to go until the final weigh-in. Thank goodness. The competition part of this is starting to get to me. It was fun for a while but now it just stresses me out. I really wanted to win but now I am struggling and it makes me feel like I can't do it.

I didn't lose any weight this week, but I didn't gain any weight either. So that is good, I guess. I went to the gym after work tonight and forced myself to workout. I am going to go every night after work for the next two weeks. I feel like I have to do everything I can to try and finish this competition on top. However, I know I will be taking a break when the competition is over. I just need to focus on myself and not the competitive part of this.

I did get to buy a new pair of jeans in a smaller size and I love how they fit. And the shirts I bought are a smaller size as well. That is the real reward.

Until next time,

Weigh-In #10

I know I missed last weeks weigh-in report. I am very sorry!! Please accept my apology.

Last week I hit my first milestone of passing the 20 pounds lost mark!!!! However I ended up being tied with my co-worker at exactly 9.4% weightloss each. I mean seriously, what are the odds of both being at exactly 9.4% each?!?!?!

But I was able to pass him again this week and claim 1st place all to myself again. He is still right on my heals though with another co-worker just right behind him. This is the home stretch now. There are only 3 more weigh-ins left in this competition. I really need to buckle down if I am going to try to actually win this thing.

Seriously, I never thought I would be this close. But I really want it!!!! I really need the money to buy new clothes that actually fit me. The other day it took me three pairs of jeans to find a pair that weren't way too big. Now that is a great feeling!!!

I will try to be better about updating. I know I have been really bad about blogging. I am sorry and I hope you still come back to check in.

Until next time,

Weigh-In #8

I am so close to losing 20 pounds that I can almost reach out and touch it. I lost another 1 1/2 pounds this week. And that is with pigging out on pizza last thursday and eating chips and salsa yesterday while sitting on the couch doing nothing. I only have 1 more pound to go to reach the 20 pound mark. And then only 30 more to go to reach my original goal of losing 50 pounds. That is a frustrating thought considering how hard it has been the last couple weeks.

Losing weight is not easy!! It can be so frustrating to watch people eating whatever they want and knowing that I really shouldn't be eating the things that I crave. I am not only doing this for the competition but also for a lifestyle change so that I am happy with how I feel about myself. I haven't felt so great about myself the past couple years. But it takes a certain frame of mind to be able to get the strength to work on changing one's lifestyle. I feel like I am somewhat in that frame of mind, it just sometimes seems to allude me.

I have people ask me what I am doing to lose the weight. The main thing was focusing on eating MUCH healthier. Snacking on fruits and veggies has been a big change. And watching my portion sizes is a huge step as well. I have discovered some great cookbooks and have followed a lot of those recipe ideas. I have virtually cut out fast food (except for the occasional french fries or pizza) and have avoided sweets almost totally. I have only had a tiny bit of chocolate this entire year, which is so not easy!!!

I did join a gym. Although I find it very hard to get motivated enough to workout as much as I should. I really don't particularly like going to the gym, so that has become my biggest struggle. And then the guilt I feel for not going makes me feel even worse. I know I need to go. I know that is going to help my overall weightloss goal and make me much healthier. I just wish it didn't suck so much!!!

If you were wondering, I am yet again in 1st place this week. I didn't know I had a competitive side, but I am certainly tickled to be coming in 1st place all the time. It feels really good. And it feels good to have people notice that I am looking different (even if I don't think I look different).

Until next time,

Hungry Girl

When I started the Biggest Loser at work one of my co-workers got us hooked on a website called Hungry Girl (not to be confused with Hungry Girls, trust me). You can check out the website here. They send out daily emails with lots of helpful hints and ideas.

So tonight I decided to buy the cookbooks.

I am really excited to crack these books open and start planning my weekly menus. Planning ahead and having ideas really helps keep me on track. I plan on hitting the grocery store tomorrow and I am excited about having a healthy menu planned out for the week.

I will let you know how it goes. And I will pass along anything fantastic that I discover. Hopefully I don't poison my family. Wish me luck!

Until next time,

One year ago

I am so very thankful that this has been a calm year medically speaking, at least so far. Today marks one year ago that Rick was hospitalized for complications following his ERCP. He became seriously ill with pancreatitis after the procedure. It was truly one of the scariest nights of my life, and lead to a very stressful week.

If you are new to my blog, or would like a refresher on what went down last year, here are the links to the posts that I wrote once Rick was released from the hospital:

ERCP/Pancreatitis Part 1
ERCP/Pancreatitis Part 2
ERCP/Pancreatitis Part 3
ERCP/Pancreatitis Part 4

I am really glad that I wrote those posts and documented everything. As much as so much of that experience is burned into my memory, alot of the little details have been forgotten.

We had a LOT of support from friends and family during the week long hospital stay. Did you know that I only left the hospital to shower and change clothes? I ate every meal there and slept in a recliner.

I am praying that this year continues to be uneventful. However I do need to schedule Rick for his yearly ERCP. And quite frankly that scares me silly!

I am taking to tonight to say some prayers and thank God for granting Rick some time to be stable.

Until next time,

Weigh-In #7

I have taken back the lead!!! I won the Gold Medal for the week!! I wish there was a real gold medal. But there will be a real award at the end of this when I am significantly lighter and I win the $$ so that I can buy new clothes. I lost another 2 pounds for a total weightloss of 18 pounds. I am hoping to make a certain goal by next Monday.

So I now need to really focus this week so I can meet my next goal. I haven't been feeling good the past couple days so it has been hard to eat correctly. And the last couple weeks I feel like I have lacked a bit of focus. So this week I am back on the horse, so to speak. I plan on making going to the gym more of a priority and really focusing on my eating habits. I am really going to focus on the weigh-in next week.

I think my biggest problem with my eating habits is that I am getting bored with my food choices. I could use some new and creative meal ideas. And snack ideas as well.

Thanks for everyone's support!! I really appreciate it!!

Until next time,

Weigh-In #5 & #6

Okay, I know, I totally stink at updating lately. I don't know what my problem is. I just feel like I don't have a lot to say right now.

Last Monday's weigh-in went great. I lost another 3 pounds finishing in 1st place again. We teamed up with a partner last week to give out extra encouragement and hold each other accountable. I really appreciated my partner Annie and all her positive encouragement. I know it helped to keep me focused.

I am having some trouble staying focused right now. Especially after today's weigh-in. Today was not a good day for me. I gained a pound this week. I worked out 4 times and ate just like I have been doing yet I still gained a pound. I slipped back to 2nd place for the week.

Tonight I have gotten off track and ate some chocolate, ate a bigger dinner than I should, and then had a couple little candies.

I know I have to get back on track somehow. It is just so easy to follow old patterns and just ignore all the hard work I have put in for the past 6 weeks. So my prayer for the week is to get myself back into the right mindset to keep up the weightloss.

Until next time,

It's Girl Scout Cookie Time

Guess what everyone, it's that time of year again. We are now selling Girl Scout Cookies. Megan is our newest little salesgirl this year. And she is excited to be selling cookies.

If you are interested in ordering some cookies just let me know. I have a couple girls that are really looking forward to earning the cookie dollars that they can use towards things at the Girl Scout office or for camp.

The cookies are $4 a box. New this year are the Thank U Berry Munch which has cranberries and white fudge chunks. Sounds good to me. Of course we also have Lemon Chalet Cremes, Trefoils, DO-SI-DOS, Samoas, Dulce De Leche, Tagalongs, and Thin Mints. We are currently doing pre-orders. The cookies will arrive around the end of March.

Just let us know if you would like to order some. Thank you very much!!

Until next time,

Weigh-In #4

I don't have to eat a cheeseburger!!!!! I lost another 2 pounds putting me at 14 pounds gone!!!

I am very excited and looking forward to losing even more. I love that I feel so much better now. And I am starting to get used to eating better. I am so glad that I started this. And it makes it much easier having the support of others who are doing the same thing right along side me.

Until next time,

Cheeseburger?!?!

I don't want to HAVE to eat a cheeseburger. I would like to eat a cheeseburger, but I would really rather wait a bit longer in the weightloss process. But if I lose the weigh-in tomorrow to one of my co-workers I will have to eat a cheeseburger. At least I think I will. That was the last thing we talked about the "loser" having to do.

We have been trash-talking this past week and so tomorrow is the big day to find out who lost the most weight % and who has to suffer through the humiliating task of eating a cheeseburger.

Please God don't let me be the one to eat the cheeseburger.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Until next time,

Family Photos

A friend of ours, Dylan, took some pictures of us together back in October. These are my favorites. What do you think?

Until next time,

Girl Scouts and Firemen

Megan's Girl Scout troop had a field trip to a local fire station. She had fun and the kids had a lot of "what if" questions.

I have lost track of how many fire station field trips I have been on. But this one had some good looking firemen so it wasn't so bad.

And get ready because it is almost time for Girl Scout cookies. Just a heads-up.

Until next time,

Sisterly Love

"Sam took the fin off my Flounder. And she is holding my Ariel in her dirty little filthy hands."

Oh the love between these two sisters.

Weigh-In #3

Today was weigh-in #3 of the Biggest Loser. I was not very confident going into it because I didn't feel like I had lost any weight. Boy was I surprised! I lost about 3.5 pounds. Which put me in 1st place for the week. Yep I am the Biggest Loser of the week. Woo Hoo!!!

So now I am even more inspired to work even harder. I have lost a total of almost 12 pounds in 3 weeks. I am almost at 5% weight loss. That is so much better than I was expecting.

Here's to a good week and even more weight loss!!

Until next time,

Yummy!!!!

Okay, you may all know by now (or maybe you don't) that I don't like to cook. Seriously, it isn't really my thing. I have been focusing on trying to enjoy it more since that is going to make a big difference in my lifestyle change and eating habits. And I am sure that you don't really consider using the blender "cooking". But I have found one of my new favorite things. And because I am feeling generous I am going to share.

Strawberry Banana Smoothie

1 banana
1 cup frozen strawberries
1/2 cup fat free vanilla yogurt
1/2 cup low fat vanilla soy milk
1 packet splenda
1/8 tsp (or a little more) vanilla extract
1 cup ice cubes

Blend and ENJOY!!!!!

So good!! In fact that is what I am enjoying right now!!

Until next time,

Weigh-In #2

If you watch the Biggest Loser on TV then you know that the second week is notoriously tough for the weightloss. And it was evident today in everyone's weigh-in at work. Luckily I did lose weight, but not much. Only 1 pound actually. But in the big picture I lost 8 pounds in two weeks. And that is still really good. I slipped out of second place and landed in fourth place. But I will rebound this week.

I did cheat a little bit tonight. It was my first cheat. And it was yummy. I put light sour cream, I can't believe it's not butter, and some shredded cheese on my baked potato. Not exactly the kind of cheating you were expecting? You were probably thinking I had some greasy burger or junk food. But I kept my cheating to a minimum, at least in my opinion.

So now I pick up and move ahead while focusing on working even harder. I will do it! This is me being positive!

Until next time,

Winter???

As I woke up this morning to the sun shining and blue skies I started thinking "What happened to winter??" Seriously. We have only had to shovel once this winter. And I have only actually "needed" snow tires one day this winter. I know that we were all complaining last winter when we were drowning in 5 feet of snow but this is the Inland Northwest and we are supposed to have all 4 seasons. I have been amazed at the number of days of sunshine we have had this winter. I am not complaining. Really. I am just wondering what happened to winter.

On the plus side I didn't have to spend money on new boots for the girls. On the other hand I could have saved the $$ it cost to have the snow tires put on, because now I will have to pay the same $$ to have them taken off soon.

Oh well.

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On to another subject. Biggest Loser. Monday is weigh-in number 2. I have still been very good with my eating habits. I STILL haven't cheated. Seriously. Not a single item of junk food. Not a single nibble of chocolate. I probably haven't eaten more than 1200 calories in a day since this started. Some days even less than that. I am trying very hard. I will be able to change and make this my new healthy lifestyle. I am even getting some members of the household to follow along.

I will let you know how the weigh-in goes.

Until next time,

Second Place

I can't believe it!!!!! I am in second place after the first week of Biggest Loser at work. I did it, even though I really thought I didn't. I was expecting maybe just a 1-2 pound weight loss. I was WRONG!!! Do you want to know how much weight I lost???

Drum roll please..............

7 pounds

I was completely blown away and I did jump up and down. I am proud of myself. I honestly didn't cheat over the weekend. I kept up with my healthy eating habits, even though that is a lot harder during the weekend when I am home all day. I am going to be starting the gym sometime this week. I know that will make a difference in feeling better too.

So stay tuned for next weeks weigh-in. I know it probably won't be this much, but I am excited now that I know I can do it!!

Until next time,

A Little of This and That

Today I picked up our finished pottery. I think they turned out totally cute!!!! I can't wait to go back and make more. I think I have a new obsession. Oh how I wish I could go there more often. It is very therapeutic.

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Today I also got the chance to babysit Mady. I love having her all to myself, well except for the girls playing with her too. She is soooooooo adorable!!! Gosh I just adore this little girl.

Can you believe that these two are related? Jeez I don't see a resemblance at all.

Oh, and did you notice Sam's cute new haircut. It is really short and she LOVES it!!

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Tomorrow is my weigh-in at work for the Biggest Loser. I am REALLY hoping that I have lost something. I wasn't able to get the gym membership set up last week so I haven't been to the gym yet. But I did a fantastic job of sticking with my diet this past week. Seriously, lots of fruit and veggies. And I made a big effort to make sure that my meals were very low fat. My biggest problem now is trying to come up with a bigger variety of dinner ideas. I am not a fantastic cook, nor do I really like to cook, so it is hard for me to figure out what to make. Usually if we are short on food or time I just run out and get fast food. Well I am not doing that anymore. So now I have to figure out how to be creative in the kitchen. I am open to suggestions.

I will let you know how the weigh-in goes tomorrow.

Until next time,

Biggest Loser

On Monday I stepped onto the scale and officially started my New Year's resolution. Let me tell you that looking at my weight was the low point for me. I wasn't quite expecting that result. But I will never see that number again!!

I had made the decision to change my lifestyle and eating habits before the new year. But then a group of people that I work with also wanted to do the same thing. So we have joined together in the Biggest Loser at work. There is a group of 13 that is competing for a $650 grand prize. The prize money would be great, but for me the real prize will be getting healthy and changing my life. But if I do win I will need that money to buy new clothes that fit!!

Seriously now, I am struggling with what to eat. I have not had the best eating habits and I am really focusing on changing that. However, my tummy has noticed the change and tonight it is telling me that it misses the crap. But I will get past this and move on to a healthier new me. I know that sounds cliche, but it WILL happen.

I might update on my weekly weigh in, I might not. We'll just see how it goes.

Until next time,

Resolutions

Apparently this is going to be the year for resolutions. I made one very big resolution that I thoroughly intend on keeping. So here goes my list of resolutions:

*I am going to lose weight, exercise and get healthy. I guess that is kinda three-in-one, but they go hand-in-hand. I have a big weight loss goal and I thoroughly intend on following through with this resolution. I need to feel better about myself.

*Feeling better about myself brings me into my next resolution. I want to be a better mother and wife. And feeling good about myself will help immensely in that goal. I want to yell less and spend more time together as a family. I am hoping that will ease the tension and fighting between the girls.

*I want to be more financially secure. I know that one is going to be probably the hardest to fulfill. But it begins with less frivolous spending which I plan to focus on seriously.

It may not seem like much, but those are some big items for me. Rick also has some resolutions that he made on his own. I hope that we are both able to achieve our goals for the year.

Until next time,
Jaime

Girl Time

Today Megan and I went to Polka Dot Pottery with her Girl Scout troop. We had a fun time together and I tried to control my "perfectionism" on Megan's project. She chose the cutest penguin piggy bank. If you didn't know, Megan LOVES penguins!!! She actually worked really hard on painting her penguin. I just helped clean up the outlines. And then she chose a tiny penguin to paint while she waited for me to finish my project. I didn't help her do any part of the tiny penguin.


I made my very first mug. And I am so proud of it! Now I can't wait to see it glazed when I pick it up next weekend. I think I am going to use it for tea at work. I don't know, but I am so using that mug all the time!!

And thanks to my friend Denise for taking my picture with my first mug.

Until next time,

Jaime

Happy New Year!!

Megan was up to ring in the New Year with us last night. Samantha was at Gigi's house.


We went outside after we watched the ball drop and were treated with a fantastic fireworks show we could watch from our backyard. There were some fantastic fireworks being fired off not too far away and we really enjoyed watching that together.

Well here's hoping that 2010 is a great year. We have entered it with a new attitude and some great resolutions as well. Normally we aren't really resolution makers but this is a new year and a new decade following a horrible year for us so we are giving it a shot. Maybe I will write a post about our resolutions if you all are interested.

Thanks for hanging with us through the last year. It was a rough ride and I hope that I can get back into the upbeat swing of things now.

Until next time,

Jaime